The last day of the year, so I suppose it's appropriate that I put up one last post for 2011. For the most part, it has been a supremely shitty year. Filled with loneliness, doubt, fear, disappointment, and sadness. I have been encapsulated by a melancholy state that I cannot shake. Perhaps I should face the obvious and admit that I cannot sort all of the things going on in my life and in my head and in my heart alone. 2011 has been a solo journey, and I'm just not as good of a navigator as I thought I would be. So, what's next? Help me if I know.
I dislike the idea of New Year resolutions. It is just another avenue waiting for me to let myself down once again. So, I have not made any resolutions for quite some time. But I know that I desperately need to make some life changes that will assist in my mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. Being placed on hormone replacement therapy earlier in the year has helped me a great deal, but part of me feels that it has only allowed me to see with greater clarity the fuckedupedness of my life, rather than experience it in the fog that I was in for the past several years. Yet despite all of this, I still hold on to hope. Hope that I will be able to commit to the betterment of myself. Hope that all of the energies I have invested in unrequited emotions will yield better results if I invest them in myself. It is so easy to put this into words, and yet so much more difficult to put them into actions. But such is the journey of life. I am exactly where I am suppose to be because all of the choices and decisions I have made in my life has led me here. Which is also to say, that the choices and decisions I make from this moment on will lead me to some other unknown place in the future. And as frightening as that may be, it is also very exciting. Because as much as there is a chance that things will continue to suck, there is an equal chance that they won't.
Good riddance 2011.
And 2012, let's get to know each other and start this relationship off slow.
Happy New Year to you all.
